Build Your Self Confidence 3: Change the way you talk
bythemethod | July 22, 2008Table of contents for Build your self confidence
One of the most destructive things for our self confidence and self esteem is the way we talk to ourselves. We all talk to ourselves constantly although we are usually not too aware of what we are saying. When you call yourself a ’stupid idiot’ because you forgot your lunch you are knocing your self confidence.
You are your own worst enemy
The self talk that you experience throughout the day has the capacity to really dent the way you feel about yourself. Imagine your Mum was walking everywhere with you and all the time you were doing things she way saying: don’t do it like that, you’ve done it again haven’t you, what an idiot, you look terrible, are you wearing that again?, etc.
You would start to get very irritated and before long I imagine you would want to be getting away from your Mum for a break. But this is just what you do to yourself all the time.
The bad news is that you have become your own worst enemy. The good news is that this is just a habit and habits can be changed.
Become your own best friend
You should be your own best friend. You should be yelling yourslef what a good job you are doing, how smart you look today and how interesting you really are. I’m not advocating shutting everyone else out here just that you start to be more supportive to yourself.
Some of you may be thinking – yeh but I’m not going to lie. If I look bad I ought to tell myself.
I’m not asking you to lie to yourself – that would be very bad indeed. I am saying that you should not be so hard on yourself. You should help yourself and not knock yourself all the time.
Step 1. Listen yo your self talk
As you go through the day start to become familiar with your self talk. You need to raise your awareness of it.
Step 2. Listen out for the criticism
Become aware of the way you talk. Listen to all those little critical jibes you make about yourself through the day. Just hearing them may be enough to stop them but if it isn’t then read on.
Step 3. Become aware of how silly they are
“I always do that!” is perhaps the most used silly phrase that we all sometimes fall victim to. This is a ridiculous thing to say. You don’t always make that mistake no one does – so why say it?
Think through all of the other silly things you are saying to yourself and start to see how silly they really are.
Step 4. Stop yourself saying them
Now stop yourself from saying them. If they come up in your mind then just tell yourself to stop. Don’t make a big thing out of it but just keep telling yourself to stop. Changing your self talk can take a long time (you have taken years to learn it after all) so don’t be put off by relapses. Keep going with it and when it reduces (or even stops) your confidence will soar.
But it’s not just yourself you have to stop saying this stuff to. We can also say this stuff to others when we make a mistake.
“Silly me”.
“I’m so stupid”.
“I’m always doing that”.
“There I go again”.
Are all phrases (together with a load more) we should learn not to say about ourselves to others. When we say them to others we believe them about ourselves and sometimes people start to believe them about you as well.
What silly things do you say?
Why not post a comment telling us what silly things you say and even tell us what is so silly about them. Therapy for you and help for us.
