bythemethod.com blog

We continue our series on building self confidence and self esteem with a look back at our past. Your past is always important in that it provides a filter through which you view the present. So if you failed in some task in the past it will threaten your confidence in the present and similarly if you succeeded at something in the past it will help build confidence for the present.

The problem is that normal people tend to remember past failure rather than past success. Here we explore how to turn that around.

You might feel that you have never succeeded in the past

Sometimes when you think back trying to remember good times in the past it can be very difficult to remember any. If your self-confidence is low this will make it particulalry hard to do. However, the truth is that there are many more successes in your past than you can easily remember. It could well be that your memory has got so fixed on your failure that it is blocking out your success.

So try to think about some simple things first. There is a list below of things you could think about. I’m sorry if the list covers things that are not true for you but I hope it will jog you into thinking about some of the successes of your past.

• Have you ever passed a test?
• What about your driving test?
• What about some qualifications when you left school?
• What about getting your first job?
• What about when someone asked you out or you asked someone out?
• What about when someone told you what a good job you had done?
• What about getting a gold star at school or a certificate?
• What about learning how to swim?

Take small success rather than no success at all

Don’t assume that this has to be a big event it can be something quite small.

The truth is that some of the stuff that we assume is quite small is actually a major achievement. Learning to walk and talk for instance is a major challenge and a big achievement. If you haven’t managed these because of a disability then I am sure there are other even more chanllenging problems that you have managed to overcome and succeed at.

If you can’t think of any successes then make some up

If you really can’t think of any then don’t despair because you can make some up. We don’t make stuff up so we can tell others how wonderful we are but because we want to get the feeling of success into our mind and we can do this with the imagination. 

I heard of a failing sports team (sorry can’t remember which sport) whose coach made them celebrate success even when they lost. After a while the feelings of success spilled over in to their performance and they started to win. The imagination is a very powerful tool.

Daydream about success to boost self confidence

If you want a fancier name for what I suggest you do now then its called visualisation. Daydreaming has a negative feel about it for some people but we nearly all know how to do it – or at least we used to know until our teachers made us stop.

1. Relax. Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. Distance yourself from your thoughts  – don’t try to stop them just withdraw from them. Take some slow deep breathes letting the air out slowly and as you exhale think relax.
2. Close your eyes – it just helps to block out your surroundings.
3. Remember a past success. Remember what it was like. Try to remember as much detail about it as you can. Who was there? Where was it? What sounds could you hear? What did it smell like? Do your best to conjour up an image of it in your mind.
4. What did that success feel like? Think about it and try to feel those same emotions again. Remember the joy you felt. How -perhaps – you couldn’t stop smiling. Enjoy that moment

Feeling successful will help lift your confidence

The more you remember your past success the more confident in your abilities you will feel. There are ways to expand this exercise and use anchoring so you can recall the past feelings whenever you want to but I’ll save that one for another time. For now just having the feelings and learning that you are successful will help you.

Now whenever you succeed at something allow yourself a few moments of pleasure at the success – even if it is only a small one.

What success have you had?

Why not post a comment about your past success here. Letting others know will help boost your own confidence.