bythemethod.com blog

Isn’t it frustrating when you are good at something when it doesn’t matter and yet rubbish when it does? Take public speaking, for instance, for most people. When you practice on your own in front of the mirror it sounds great but as soon as you get on the platform you go to pieces, your knees start to knock and you mumble your speech as quickly as possible.

Is there nothing that can change this? Yes, there is. Read on to find out more … Read the rest of this entry »

Well of course it all depends on the context but for a moment let me assume that you are thinking about a state of mind, something that self help gurus are always going on about.

It is important, in any endeavour, to make sure you are in the right state of mind but it is even more important to understand what a state is in the first place. Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes I have found myself in a situation I didn’t want to be in. It’s easy for me during those times to feel very negative about things and this negativity always makes any situation worse. There is a simple technique that works for many people that allows you to get away from the negative feelings pretty easily but it does take a little practice.

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It is all too easy to let a negative view or state stop us from getting the success we want. Even when something bad has not happened we can still create feelings that make us believe that they have. It might be past experience that has made us that way or it might be our inner talk or other people but wherever it comes from it is destructive to us.

However there is a way to break the power that negative thinking has on us. It’s called pattern breaking.

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The way we see things can have a big impact on the amount of anxiety and disturbance we feel in any situation. The amount of anxiety we feel has a dramatic effect on our performance. However you can learn to take control of a situation and see things very differently. This technique is commonly known as reframing.

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The way you think will determine the way you act. There can be little doubt in anyones mind that there is a direct link between attitude and success. If you want to be successful you must have the right attitude. If you are not successful yet but want to be more successful then time spent on getting yourself to think in the right ways is time well spent.

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Affirmations are an important technique that help you change the way you perceive yourself. If you have a poor self image or you suffer with too much stress because of the way you think about yourself then affirmations can help you. Affirmations are probably the most widely used and accepted form of self improvement. Here I show you what to do in a simple but effective way.

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Being positive is always better than being negative – in my opinion. There is always more research coming out on this subject and despite the odd example where being negative helps you more (no doubt produced by negative people) the vast majority of information points to the benefits of having a positive rather than negative outlook.

How then do you get to be more positive?

Make a list of positive qualities

There is a simple technique called positive listings.

We are often very good at knocing ourselves and believing that we are no good. It could be that some time in the past some well meaning (but very helpful) person has pointed out some failing in your life and has made you feel horrible about yourself. This can be worse when it is someone whom you love or respect. Parents, teachers, Doctors, Dentists etc are all guilty of this at some point or another. We may have done it ourselves – and then hopefully later regretted it.

What we need to do is to think about the positive things about us and this will then help us to think more positively about ourselves which will help us to achieve more and feel more confident.

Get yourself a piece of paper, a pen and somewhere you can write where you will not be disturbed.

Write down your positive qualities.

If you struggle to think what they are then think about the following and find the positive qualities that apply (you may find more than one for each or none for some these are just to help you think):

• Relationships
• Talents
• Values
• Qualifications
• Humour
• Creative
• Sports
• Feelings
• Experiences
• Others

Take your list and read through it slowly.

 You need to take some care to read through what you have written. Try to remember the experience that made you write down your list of things. Accept that they are part of you and feel good about them.

Try one of these

The next thing you can do is to write down each thing in the third person e.g. put your name in to the sentence i.e. Chris is kind and loving, Chris is good at walking, Chris has a good sense of humour etc

Then try writing from the 1st person e.g. I i.e. I am kind and loving, I am good at walking.

Try to feel happy that these are your good qualities.

By accepting that these are all part of you, the individual, you can reinforce all these positive thoughts, feelings and perceptions, which then lead to enhanced beliefs.

What things can you say are your positive qualities?

Leave a comment telling us what they are

One of the best rewards you can give yourself is time. We all seem to have such precious little of it that a simple gift to yourself of five minutes can be a good way to reward yourself. But how do you use just five minutes without just sitting waiting for the next things to happen? Here is one of my suggestions:

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If you lack confidence or your self esteem is low then you proabably don’t need me to tell you to improve yourself. You need to understand that you are better than you think you are – the vast majority of us underrate our abilities and how much people like us. You also need to understand that it is important for everyone to build a habit of self improvement because no one is perfect.

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