Table of contents for Expanding your mind

1. A loss becomes a gain
2. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten
3. The imagination is more powerful than the will

I once read somewhere that we should never tell someone that they have failed at it. I don’t agree. It seems to me we need to wake up to the fact that sometimes we fail. But failing is not the problem, the problem is how we view that failure.

If you listen to Simon Cowell on the X-factor you will often hear him saying things that sound at face value to be nasty. He will point out what is wrong with a performance when others seem incapable of saying anything negative. Now I’m in favour of being positive but if someone is doing something wrong then they need to hear about what they are doing wrong.

When you understand this simple truth you can start turning a loss into a gain.

What to do when you fail

You must first understand that failing is not disaster. You need to train yourself not to feel the emotional failure that so often comes with the frustration of not winning. This is one of the reasons why I think competitive sport is important for children because they need to learn how to handle disappointment. You need to develop the attitude of a good loser. The way to start doing this is to be the first to genuinely congratulate the winner. So get rid of the emotion that you feel at losing. You can do this even in business and even when you can’t make contact with the winner. Just say it in your mind or even write it down somewhere but make sure you do it.

Next you need to see the loss as an opportunity. Every time you lose you learn how not to do something (someone famous said this didn’t they – was it Edison? I can’t remember). So you are learning some important lessons about yourself and the way things are done. It will not always be your fault or something that you can control. For instance in a business deal you might discover that the contract you hoped for was awarded to a family member. You were in an impossible to win situation here. However perhaps you could learn to spot the warning signs of impossible situations to win.

So you have an opportunity to learn. What did you learn? If you are stuck then find someone whose opinion you can trust and ask them. In a business deal you could even ask the person who didn’t give you the contract why you didn’t get it.

Every loss can become a gain

Do all you can to turn a loss to a gain – a failure to a success. Use the experience to motivate you on to better things. Do something different to make a difference. Change your mind or the way you do things so that next time you do not lose.

Perhaps the most important thing is to learn not to fear failure. This can be one of the worst fears there is. Don’t fear failure but instead learn to turn it into success.

Edison – one of the most successful people America has ever had once said (about his attempts to make a light bulb):

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Henry Ford went bankrupt twice before he got it right with the Ford Motor Company.

Abraham Lincoln suffered many failures before he was successful.

If you want a list of business people who went bankrupt before success take a look at

http://www.seattle-washington-bankruptcy-lawyer.com/6.html

Loss can always become gain.

Table of contents for Avoiding burnout

1. Your Life Matters: Avoiding Burnout Part 1
2. Happiness for you: Avoiding Burnout Part 2
3. How happy are you now: Avoiding Burnout Part 3
4. Know your enemy: Avoiding Burnout Part 4
5. Balance in life: Avoiding Burnout Part 5
6. Healthy lifestyle: Avoiding Burnout Part 6
7. Getting enough sleep: Avoiding Burnout Part 7
8. Exercise: Avoiding Burnout Part 8
9. Relax a little more: Avoiding Burnout Part 9
10. How we think: Avoiding Burnout Part 10
11. Goal Setting: Avoiding Burnout Part 11
12. Getting Motivated: Avoiding Burnout Part 12
13. Be friendly: Avoiding Burnout Part 13
14. Being Positive: Avoiding Burnout Part 14
15. Being resilient: Avoiding Burnout Part 15
16. Have a long term plan: Avoiding Burnout Part 16
17. More Beauty: Avoiding Burnout Part 17

There are few things more likely to trigger stress than being negative about things. Research has shown that being positive is better for your health than being negative.

If we view every situation as a problem then it will trigger our stress response every time.

Positive people can be annoying can’t they?

Have you ever been in a room of positive people? Perhaps they were too positive and they made you feel irritated? Well there is a big difference between being positive and being irritating. Truly positive people are just people who look for the good in something rather than the bad. So if something is going wrong their response would be either: what can we learn from this or this is just an obstacle on the way to success. They are not less realistic – in fact research has also shown that positive peope are often more realistic than negative people – they are just trying to be successful.

Being around positive people can also lift your spirits

If you’ve ever had a negative you will know how draining being around them can be. Everything is a sinister plot to bring us down and no one has ever had things as bad as they have.

Of course the reverse is also true in that being around positive people can really make you feel good and motivated. If you are struggling with a problem the best person to talk to is a positive person – you will feel much better.

So start being more positive

This week the task is simple. To change thinking about everything as a problem and start to see things as an opportunity. Things may not be going your way but there is always something that can be learned or gained from every experience. Don’t let things get you down but instead learn to use problems as opportunities to become a better person.

However it’s not just who you mix with, it’s also about the TV programmes you watch, the websites you visit, the books you read, the magazines you browse, etc..

There used to be an old wise saying of “rubbish in – rubbish out”. That is if you put lots of rubbish into your head and heart and this is what will come out of it.

Your friends will have a profound effect on the way you feel

Do you have friends who make you feel good about yourself and the world around you? Or do your friends make you feel depressed and sad.

I’m not talking about the friend who is having a bad patch or facing a terrible problem. We care for these people and it’s right we give them our time and energy.

I mean the friends who are always miserable about everything. Even when good things happen to them they will make it sound like disaster is just around the corner. The kind of friends who will make your achievemnents and successes seem like the most insignificant thing that anyone ever did.  These are the kinds of people who leave you feeling drained when you leave them and your heart sinks when you meet them in the street.

However sometimes its hard to spot them until it is too late.

What you need are friends who will make you feel good about yourself. Friends who make you feel inspired when you meet them. The kinds of friends you would cross a busy street to say hello to.

If you want to be successful you need to associate with successful people. If you want to be happy then you need to associate with happy people.

Pick your friends wisely

I’m not saying that you should never have anything to do with anyone who is sad or a failure. It may be that such people need you. However don’t let such people be your only friends and don’t spend all your time with them.

Find people who can help you succeed.

Rubbish in -rubbish out

Also remember that all the things you watch and read and listen to have an effect on the way you feel. Be careful about what goes in to your mind.

As the Soviet team were preparing for the Winter Olympics of 1980 they split their elite athletes up into four groups.

Group 1 spent all their time on physical training.

Group 2 spent 75% of their time on physical training and 25% on mental training.

Group 3 spent 50% of their time on physical training and 50% on mental training.

Group 4 spent 25% of their time on the physical training and 75% on mental training.

The order of success from each group was 4, 3, 2 and then 1.

This was a big revelation for many at the time. It seems that being prepared mentally was more important than being prepared physically.

Now I do need to point out that they did all do some physical training. You can’t be a successful athlete on mental capacity alone you also have to train for your sport.

Having the right mental attitude is vital for success

This study on athletes also applies to the world of life and business. Time and again it has been proved that having the right mental attitude is more important than having the right skills. Just like an athlete you can’t have success without any skills so in business you need to acquire the right skills. But without the right attitude joined to the right skills you will not succeed.

I’m not going to talk about what that attitude is here. I’m going to cover that in other blog entries. However you should know that the only way to success is to develop the right mental attitude.

Who is your hero? I guess we could get a very long list of very worthy people if you answered. But I want you to make sure there is at least one name on your list. That name should be your own.

But I am the last person I would think of as a hero

You would be in a very large group of people of you thought this way. Quite possibly nearly everyone would think this and if you didn’t think it I guess others might call you selfish or arrogant. They would be right if they thought that calling yourself a hero meant thinking you were better than others.

Real heroes do not think they are better than others

Real heroes never put themselves above others. In fact they usually want to help others even more than they want to help themselves. They are often the person who sacrifices themselves for others. This ought to mean that thinking of yourself as a hero would make you want to help others not make them serve you.

Anyway I’m getting off track.

What is it about a hero that you admire?

What do you look for in a hero? Do you like courage? Perhaps selflessness? Perhaps their ability to keep going even when things are getting impossible? Perhaps you like the way they treat other people? The way they help the person than everyone else rejects?

Develop your own list of qualities that you admire in others.

Sit down with paper and pen and make a list of qualities you admire in others. Jst jot down anything that comes to mind. Don’t stop to work out what they mean or if they are good or bad just jot down whatever you have in your mind.

Once you have your list then pick the top 5 good ones. You can work on the others another time but just for now work only on those top 5. If you find 5 too much then just start with 1.

Make those qualities your own

Now you should work hard to make those qualities your own qualities. Start to behave in the very ways that you would like your hero to behave in. Find someone or something today where you can act like your hero would act.

If you have picked 5 (as suggested above) then allocate 1 to each day of the working week and on each of those days make that 1 quality your focus. Make sure you practice that one quality on that day.

Become your own hero

Now make yourself into that hero that you admire. When you go to bed remember the good things that you have done for others and be happy you were able to do it.

As you become your own hero you will find your confidence will grow and you will feel much better about yourself.

This is something that all of us can do. Don’t punish yourself if you are not living as your hero every moment of the day but be happy at those times when you do act like your hero.

Self-image, self-confidence and integrity are all important qualities for anyone who wants to be truly successful.

Related posts:

It seems to me that we are constantly being told that we should improve our skills. We will obviously be much better at our jobs if only we had greater skills.

Let me just add right at the beginning that I believe that learning is a very important part of life. If I haven’t written about learning yet (can’t remember if I have on this blog) then I soon will. I am committed to life long learning and I have a folder full of certificates to prove it.

But learning is not the best way to improve your competence.

The strange thing is that if you want to be better at something the best way you can get better is to believe that you are.

The better you feel about yourself the better you become at doing a job.

One of the things that comes with experience is confidence in doing a job and as you get more confident your ability to do the job increases. It’s not just about the acquired skills it is also about how you feel using those skills.

A lot of people aquire the basic skills that are necessary to do a job quite quickly but its only as they get confident in their abilities that they discover they can do what they do very well.

So how can you feel more confident about your skills?

Well you could practice and hope that over time you will gain in confidence but this is a slow route and the route nearly everyone takes.

The best way I know is to believe that you already are confident. You need to affirm in your own mind that you are confident in what you are doing.

Here is a simple method for affirmations:

Make your affirmations:

Personal: “Iam always excellent at doing xyz!” This is about you.

Present: “I am alwaysexcellent at xyz!” It is not in the future, it is right now. Make it sound like you already possess it.

Positive: “I am always excellent at xyz!” Make it positive and not the absence of negative e.g. I am not I will try to be or I will avoid etc..

Potent: “I am always excellent at xyz!” Use words that mean something to you.

Put your affirmation on a card and read it out 10 times a day. As you do so, imagine what you would feel, what you would see, what you would hear if it were true.

I demand more of myself than anyone else could ever expect.
Julius Irving

For those who don’t know, Julius Irving is a famous basketball player. He is the fifth highest scoring player in the history.

There is only one person who can make you successful – you.

It’s no good looking and hoping for that person who will take you from obscurity and put you on the top because they will never arrive. If you are going to succeed then it’s down to you.

Don’t let yourself off the hook either. If you are going to be good at something or excell or simply succeed then you must demand much from yourself.

Don’t just rise to the level that people expect from you instead rise to the level that you would like yourself to be at.

Think for a moment about some people who you admire. Now tell yourself that you are going to be at least as good as them if not better.

Living in the UK I’m a great fan of football (I’m talking about soccer by the way) and anyone who has ever heard about football will have heard the name David Beckham. Most football wannabes say they would like to be like David Beckham.

If you want to be as good as Beckham you have to be as committed as he is. How did he get to be so good? Hard work.

When everyone else had finished training and gone home David would stay behind and practice his kicking. He is one of the best kickers in the world because he worked hard at it – he demanded a lot of himself.

If you want to be as good as David Beckham you have to demand much of yourself.

So right now say to yourself that you have had enough of your own excuses. You have had enough of complaining about your lack of success. You have had enough of half trying and half finishing. From this day forward you are going to be the best. You are going to work harder at aquiring the skills you need. You are going to work harder at your goals and setting them. You are going to make sure you get the right rest so you can perform at your best. From this day forwards you demand that you will succeed.

What are you waiting for?

Competence Starts With Feeling Competent
It’s Not How Hard You Try
Creativity Comes From Within
Take Small Victories
You Can’t Force Yourself To Like Broccoli
Resist The Urge To Be Average
There Is Plenty Of Time
It’s Never Just One Thing
Don’t Keep Fighting Your Firtst Battle
Change Is Possible, Not Easy
Seek Input From Your Opposites
Write Down The Directions
Anticipate Irrationality
The Best Defense Is To Listen
Winnder Are Made, Not Born
Do Things In Order
Get Experience Any Way You Can
Self-Motivation Works Once
Speak Slowly
Where You Stand Depends On Where You Look
Use Your Own Self-Interest
Remember Who You Are And Where You Are
Negotiate With Confidence, Or Don’t
Volunteer To Feel Better
Remember The Task, Forget The Rankings
Avoid The Second-Guess Paralysis
Seek A Tall Plateau, Not The Peak
Play The Odds
The Past Is Not The Future
Get A Good Night’s Sleep
It Starts And Ends With You
Notice Patterns
Efficiency In Everything
Tomorrow Will Be A Better Day (But How Exactly?)
Lessons Can’t Threaten
Success Is Formula, Not Fantasy
You Need To Know More Than Just How Talented You Are
Role Models Are Not One Size Fits All
Learn From Losses
Embrace Work; It May Have To Last Forever
Exercise And Eat Right
Boredom Is The Enemy
Be Clear About Your Role In The Outcome
Make Change Count
Listening Is More Than Not Talking
Tale Off Your Blinders
You’ll Get What You’re Afraid Of
Think About Who You Ought To Be
Leadership Is Contagious
Want Support? Deserve It
You Will Give Up Faster If You’re Not In Control
Life Is Not A Zero-Sum Game
You Don’t Have To Get Straight A’s Anymore
Whet Your Appetite For Success
Remember The Difference Between You And Everybody Else
Your Work And Home Lives Must Fit Together
Nobody Wins Without A Loser
Tell Clean Jokes
Don’t Want Everything
Look For Value
Get Your Motivation Where You Can Find It
Be An Expert
Failure Is Not Trying
You Are Not In This Alone
Your Goals Are A Living Thing
Avoid Roller-Coaster Emotions
Care
You Can’t Be Persistent Without Perspective
Changing Jobs Doesn’t Change You
It Might Get Worse Before It Gets Better
If You Don’t Believe, No One Else Will
You’ll Work Harder If You Feel Wanted
Don’t Talk To Yourself
Seek Coherence And Congruence
If You Doubt, You’re Out
Always Think About What’s Next
Value Paracticale Knowledge
See The Risk In Doing Nothing
Face Conflict Head-On
Money Isn’t Everything
Be Realistic About Yourself
Find Your Own Path
Own What You Do
Be Honest For Your Future
You Need To Know What You Are Looking For
Don’t Forget Packaging
Learn To Lead Yourself
A Victory At All Costs Is Not A Victory
People Who Have It Right Work Harder To Make It Better
Don’t Run In The Wrong Direction Just Because You’re Near The Finish Line
Hope Springs Internal
Think As If Others Can Read Your Mind
You’ll Get Knocked Down And Then Get Back Up
Keep Your Goals Where You Can See Them
Don’t Settle
What Is The Point?
Win Your Own Respect First
Your Goals Must Engage All Of You
Take Action
Only You Can Say If This Is A World You Can Succeed In

What an exciting men’s final to the tennis yesterday. Five sets fought to the very extreme. How does anyone win in such a game? I will tell you what I think.

Introduction

Every now and then we witness a sporting battle between two great sportspeople. The battle is hard fought and the victory would be deserved by either and yet in the end there can only be one winner.

We sometimes wrongly assume as we sit on our padded sofa supping our cup of coffee that these people are so talented that with just a little effort they perform in a great way. We assume – wrongly – that this comes easily to them and that somehow they are different from the rest of us who struggle to do anything.

We might even wishfully say to ourselves that if only we had their talent we could do the same.

Wake-up Call

However the truth is that most of what they achieve is done not through talent but through hard work and prolonged effort. Talent may get you started on some sporting endeavour but it will not take you all the way.

The truth is that sportspeople sweat just like the rest of us. They feel pain just like the rest of us. They suffer with the same mental anquish that the rest of us do.

It’s also true to say that sports people usually start in the same place that the rest of us did. When they were a child somebody gave them a chance at a sport and they enjoyed it and showed some apptitude for it. Then over the years that apptitude has been shaped until they reach the point where they can start to win.

Did Federer and Nadal every miss a ball? You bet they did – they even did it in the final. Did they ever feel like giving up and getting a regular kind of life? Of course they did.

Conclusions

So what makes them so different from the rest of us?

Hard work, self discipline, dedication, commitment, persistance.

Now not everyone who plays tennis and does all these things will win Wimbledon but I can guarantee that nobody will win Wimbledon without them.

If you want to succeed in life then these are just the kinds of qualities that you will need to make use of. So stop complaining that you lacked the opportunities and start working hard to make them. When the breaks come you had better be prepared to use them.

What is it about “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” that makes you want to get up and help someone and how do they manage to achieve so much in so little time.

Introduction

Have you ever watched “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”? They build a house in record time to help a family in trouble.

I used to work in the construction industry so I know how hard it is to achieve what they do. It’s not just down to the numbers of people who work on the project – although this will help. It’s down to the way they get motivated for a project.

What they do

At the beginning of the programme they sit down together and watch a video of a family with a problem. During this watching of the video it gives them a chance to connect with the family. They obviously talk about it together and perhaps are given more information because we then see them being interviewed about the situation.

During the programme there are moments when they reconnect with that family. They might do something that is important to the family or talkk with people who know them.

They also enjoy working together than have a real sense of pride in what they are doing. They will each one take time to talk with the others and tell them about the good job they are doing.

There are also ovbvious points when things are accomplished. They make a big deal of the handing over of the keys to the house – for instance. This gives them a boost to get the last step finished (the last step in any project is often the hardest to pull off.

Then the family comes home and we watch their delight and it can become so infectious that it might even make us want to do something good for someone else.

How does this relate to us?

Well let’s lok at the four steps for motivation I wrote about in a previous post:

• What?
• Why?
• Measure
• Pleasure

What?

They already know what they are going to have to do. They don’t know the details yet but this will be sorted out later. You can work on all of the stages at the same time as long as all the elements are present.

Why?

This is the part when they get to know the family by watching the video. It is important they do this together because when one of them feels the need the rest will pick up on that and it will help them feel the need as well.

Measure

There are obvious points at which they can measure their progress – the handing over of the keys is just one of the points. Watch the programme and look out for the others.

Pleasure

“Bus driver, move that bus.” Anyone who watches the programme knows the phrase well. This is one of the great moments of pleasure. Seeing the reaction of the family is important.

They also encourage each other by telling each other what a good job they are doing.

They also meet people who know the family, and sometimes talk to the family involved, which gives them a boost throughout the process.

Conclusion

What they do is great and makes a real difference to a lot of people. We can use the same prinicipals that they use ourselves to help us in our projects. The more of these four principals we can work into our projects the more successful we will be.