bythemethod.com blog

What is life about? Is there some purpose to life or am I just drifting through the universe with no real part to play other than what pleases me? I believe that there is purpose in the universe and that we have a part to play in that purpose, if we want it.

To understand this I think we must look at the spiritual side of life. Those of you who read this blog regularly may feel this goes against the down to earth, practical approach that I promote. Well – I think spirituality is part of life and needs careful thought. Often faith is a very practical thing – bear with me because I think when you are trying to work out a purpose this stuff is very important.

It seems to be the done thing, at the moment, to invent your own version of the spirituality of the universe. We are encouraged to focus our attention on ourselves and how we feel most comfortable thinking about the spiritual. We must aim for those things that make us feel the best about the way things are in our life and then surround ourselves with a personal spirituality. There is a part of me that really likes this idea but I see one major flaw in it. If there is a God then God must actually be like something. What if God had actually chosen to reveal himself to people – not in little bits and pieces that we can pick up on and discover like a kind of mirror broken into millions of pieces but as he actually is.

The major faiths all believe that this is exactly what he has done. What I fear is that most people decide about spirituality based on what they know of their followers. Although I can understand this in my search for truth I find this too restricting. I also find that the bad followers of a religion tend to get far more attention than the good followers.

Without going in to the details I can say that for me the teachings of Jesus Christ seem to be what makes the most sense. Like everyone I am sometimes alarmed by the lack of Christian love in some churches but I also see through history the way that great Christian love has changed things for the better. Where it is followed fully the Christian faith makes a very positive difference to peoples lives.

Jesus Christ was very keen on talking about “the kingdom”. Essentially a place where God got his way. Jesus described this place as being wonderful and he was also keen to point out that we can be part of that kingdom now.

I don’t know if you think Jesus was God’s son or just bonkers but I personally think he understood the purpose of life and the universe better than anyone else ever has.

If you want to understand your purpose then you need to begin with an appreciation of the greater purpose of which we are a part. This greater purpose is, I believe, what Jesus described as the “kingdom of God”.

In God’s kingdom we have a part to play – a part that God has planned in. I also believe that the role we play is up to us. We don’t have to do what God want’s us too but life is going to be an awful lot better if we do.

If you want to understand your purpose you need to ask God to help you find it.

Everyone likes to feel valued and important. Even those of us who prefer not to be in the limelight really like it when others compliment us on something we have done. The problem is that so many times we put our energy in trying to make ourselves feel important and we miss the point that others have to do this for us – you can’t make yourself important only others can do that.

Perhaps in this age where we seem mad on celebrity we forget that it’s possible to feel valued and important even if you don’t have a crowd of worshippers. In fact these feelings often come from just a few individuals who matter to us: teachers, managers, supervisors, the boss, husband, wife, partner, etc.

Now it wouldn’t be unusual for people who read this to be thinking – that’s all very nice but others don’t make me feel important so why should I bother doing it for others.

Well there is a benefit to making others feel important. Those who make others feel important are often the most liked people on the planet. Think about it for a bit.

When you hear stories about great teachers, what is it that people talk about? They seldom talk about the great facts that they imparted it usually comes down to the teacher noticing and being interested in the student. Or what about when people talk about famous people – they will mention how nice they were to be interested in them for a few moments. It’s the way people were valued – made to feel like they mattered – made to feel important that made the difference. The greatly loved people are those who show an interest – even when they didn’t need to.

It’s one of those strange rules of the universe that the more you give importance to others – the more importance will come to you. You can’t make your self important but you can make others feel important and when you do they will make you feel important.

Of course there are always going to be a few individuals who are arrogant enough to think they deserve your attention just because of who they are (nobody likes these people by the way) but there are an awful lot more who will return the attention you paid to them.

So who are you going to pay more attention to today?

I want to add my own tribute to the people who worked on the moon landings – not just the people who got to walk on the moon but everyone else as well.

This is one of those stories that should fill every person (regardless of nationality) with pride in the achievements of people. Those who made the landings possible were just ordinary men and women who found themselves in the position of being able to work on this incredible adventure.

We would be wrong to assume that they were somehow superhuman and different from ourselves, they were people just like us. They had been to school just like us, had been told off by parents, just like us. No doubt they had fallen in and out of love, been excited and disappointed just like us. They faced big setbacks and made some amazing advances but all with the same brain that we have. They even had the same kinds of tools that we have – in fact we probably have better ones today.

It is amazing what people can achieve when they apply themselves and work hard to overcome all obstacles. I often hear people comment on how amazing the animal kingdom is but I want to say how amazing people are. This is a day to celebrate being a person and then to allow ourselves to dream of what might be possible for us.

Go on have some dreams and then make some plans to bring them about – after all people have been to the moon so is your dream really that impossible?

To motivate other people you have to start with yourself. This applies in any situation where you want to motivate others: parents, leaders, managers, supervisors, etc. I’m talking about long term motivation, of course, not just a quick fix. Here is a list of stuff you should get right first so you can then get others motivated.

• Have a clear vision for what you want to achieve – if you don’t really know what you are trying to do how can you expect others to get interested? Don’t just put it in terms of benefitting yourself or the organisation you represent either – most people find it really hard to get excited about working hard to line the pockets of somebody else.
• Work at least as hard as you want everyone else to work – if you seem to be having an easy time while everyone else is working hard they will hate you for it. Most of the time you will need to work harder than anyone else (see the next bit of advice).
• Work as smart as you want everyone else to work – if you want people to be organised then get more organised; if you want people to be more relaxed then be more relaxed; if you want people to be less stressed then make sure you are less stressed yourself. Good managers want the best from their workers and this means that they must show others how to work in the way they work. If you are working very long hours and getting very stressed out then your staff will end up the same.
• Be a leader not a follower – you must take the lead in everything. Don’t expect anyone else to be more motivated than you are.
• Get excited about your vision but not obsessive – people pick up on the excitement of others. You need to get excited about what you are trying to achieve if you hope to motivate others. However, no one likes to be around those who have a one tracked mind (it can get pretty exhausting and annoying). You need to show that you understand how important other things are as well – take an interest in what motivates the people you are trying to motivate.
• Get to know people – you need to know what it is that motivates your people. Each one of us is different and we get motivated by different things. Take some time to get to know the people you are trying to reach.
• Become a good communicator – you need to get your vision across to others and this involves good communication skills. Don’t rely on the inspirational words of others but instead find your own that are relevant to your vision. I’m all for the odd inspirational quote but they won’t inspire people to work hard at what you want them too unless you find good ways of getting your message across – often and in different ways.

Long term motivation is not about high powered speakers or shouting or being dynamic it’s about being a good leader.

On a training day this week I was challenged over what personal effectiveness actually means. What does it mean to be personally more effective? I think this was an important question that forced me to think things through again about what I think personal effectiveness is all about.

You see the person asking the question had spent a lot of time working with her team to get them to be more effective in the workplace. They had examined proceedures and how they interact with customers etc, they had even spent time working out what paperwork was not necessary. All of these things are very valid ways of making an organisation more effective.

However I want to say that personal effectiveness goes much deeper than simple proceedures. I could teach you how to use your time more effectively but unless you see the point in manageing that time you won’t adopt the system. I could spend my time spelling out a system for goal setting but unless you understand that goals are important you won’t bother setting any.

Often we get so would up about the system that we forget the purspose of the system.

I happen to think that systems are very important (read this blog to find out more) but if all we do is slavishly follow the system then we lost sight of why we follow the system which will render the system useless.

I’m often asked why it is that people start self improvement full of entuhsiasm but after a short while they just give in and go back to the same old ways. The answer lies deeper than the system. The system is just a means to an end but unless you are fully committed to the end the system is pointless.

Which leads me back to my question about personal effectiveness. I believe personal effectiveness begins with knowing yourself. You have to know what motivates you and what doesn’t. You need to understand your values, your hopes, your dreams. Without knowing your self you will never find a system that will make you more effective.

This is one of those months where everything seems to get tough: the weather is bad, summer seems a long way off, winter colds are hitting you hard. It would be easy now just to give up. This is why it is so important to keep going.

What really makes the difference between a success and a failure often comes down to simply keeping going.

At that very moment when you feel like giving up, others on the same journey will feel like giving up as well. What makes you different (and hence a success) is that you are not going to give up. Let other people give up but not you. Walk past those who are sitting down and giving in. You feel the same pain and experience the same feelings of doom that everyone else feels but you are not going to give up.

If you must then plan in a time of retreat or relaxation but make sure you have a plan for afterwards.

Now is the time to dig out all those dreams you once had and to renew them. Feel the power of them again.

Come on it’s time to get going. It may be tough and hard. Just take one step at a time. Slowly are carefully push your way forward and keep going. You are on your way to success!

I love Christmas! It’s a great time of year for all kinds of reasons. I think it’s a good time to remember that other people are important in your life.

Here is a list of some simple ways to make this point (both to others and yourself):

1. When you buy a present think about the person who you are giving it to and how you might bring them some pleasure. We all have to buy stuff because it’s expected of us but that doesn’t mean we have to be mean about all our buying choices. I’ve met countless people who seem to moan about everything around Christmas. Don’t miss the opportunity to bring some pleasure into anothers life – you will be surprised how good it makes you feel to know you have done it.

2. Think about the people you send cards too. All right some of them are people you hardly ever see but that doesn’t mean its not good to remember them and wish them well. One day you might be glad that you know these people so make sure you acknowledge that now.

3. When you are at a party give some time up for those you don’t usually speak to. You don’t have to make a big thing of it, just talk to them for a few minutes. People will really appreciate that you took the time to do it.

4. Smile at people. It’s nice to have someone smile at you (at long as it isn’t creepy) so be pleasant. People get very stressed around this time of year – why not be the one who helps them feel happy and relaxed.

5. Compliment the chef. Christmas dinner can be very stressful for those who have to cook it. It’s not that it’s complicated but that you want it to be perfect. Tell the cook that it helped to make Christmas special this year and they will really appreciate it.

Have a great Christmas!

This time of year exercising can be extra hard. The mornings and evenings are dark and it’s cold outside. It’s a lot easier to be lazy. This is just the time of year then that we all need a little extra boost in our motivation. I got mine this weekend when I went for a walk in the countryside.

The benefits of countryside walking have been known for a long time. Just today I heard about a report that said people with dogs tend to be fitter and less stressed than those without them. Having a dog forces you to get the exercise that helps make you fitter and lower stress.

But you don’t need a dog to get exercise.

Read the rest of this entry »

I once read somewhere that we should never tell someone that they have failed at it. I don’t agree. It seems to me we need to wake up to the fact that sometimes we fail. But failing is not the problem, the problem is how we view that failure.

If you listen to Simon Cowell on the X-factor you will often hear him saying things that sound at face value to be nasty. He will point out what is wrong with a performance when others seem incapable of saying anything negative. Now I’m in favour of being positive but if someone is doing something wrong then they need to hear about what they are doing wrong.

When you understand this simple truth you can start turning a loss into a gain.

Read the rest of this entry »

This is just the poem to read if you are struggling with your new vision. Keep going and learn that the best things in life are hard won. I’m intending to do a series of posts based on this poem over the next few weeks so please check back regularly to see where things are going. It was written for a son so it talks about becomming a man but it applies to you whatever your gender. It is really about growing into maturity.

The poem follows …

Read the rest of this entry »