bythemethod.com blog

Well of course it all depends on the context but for a moment let me assume that you are thinking about a state of mind, something that self help gurus are always going on about.

It is important, in any endeavour, to make sure you are in the right state of mind but it is even more important to understand what a state is in the first place. Read the rest of this entry »

In a recent study undertaken by Jennifer Crocker and Yu Niiya from the University of Michigan and Dominik Mischkowski from the University of Konstanz it has been shown that thinking about what you value can help you in life.

It has long been believed that reflecting on your values raises your self esteem and so makes you less defensive when you have to address your problems. However this study has shown that reflecting on values makes you more focussed on others which makes them more loving and connected to others.

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Call me old fashioned but there is something about a hero that I like. I think we need more heroes and less villains who amuse us. Heroes are the people who make this world a better place to be in. Yes they have flaws and they make mistakes but we need heroes to make the world better.

Who is your hero? I guess we could get a very long list of very worthy people if you answered. But I want you to make sure there is at least one name on your list. That name should be your own.

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There have been many models of change over the years and they all seem to offer something different. More recently a model has come to the fore known as TTM or Transtheoretical Model. It’s used in the treatment of addiction. This model offers us a way that anyone can use to make changes in their life.

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One of the hardest things to do is to change. We can become so used to our habits and ways of doing things that making a change can seem to be almost impossible.

I think there are several things that stand in the way of someone changing and here a just a couple of them:

1) Fear. We are afraid that if we change then we will have to give up some of the security that we have spent so much of our life developing. Security is a good thing but so often it limits what things we are willing to do. What is strange though is that often people want to change so they will have more security but the act of changing can make you feel insecure. Don’t ever let fear drive you. Take a stand against fear and discover how much you can change if you are willing to take the risk.

2) Not seeing the point. If you are going to change you need to get the point of changing. Too often our reason for changing is because everyone else thinks its a good idea. If you want to lost weight or perhaps give up smoking you need to get the point of why you are giving up. If you don’t get the point then no amount of effort will make the change. If you think something is a good idea but you are not sure what the point is then try writing down an arguement for why you should make the change. If your arguement is not convincing then try again. Keep up the arguement until you know why you are going to make the change.

3) Not desiring enough. Just seeing the point of changing won’t do you also need a strong desire to change. This can come through many different ways but without the motivation to change you won’t get started and getting started is one of the hardest parts. One way to address this problem is to build up in your mind a good picture of what things will be like if you manage to change. Bring some emotion into the picture and memorise it - when you feel like giving up let the picture into your mind again.

These are just a few of the reasons but they are big ones. If you want to make a change make sure you have got these sorted out.